How to Handle a Conflict

College is meant to prepare a student for the “real world”. Throughout college students will learn job finding techniques, interview tips, networking ideas, and many other tips for how to be successful in the workplace and in life. There is something that many people tend to overlook when it comes to being successful in not only the work place, but also in life, and that is how to communicate. Specifically, one thing that will be invaluable throughout life is how to handle conflict well.

When conflict arises, the human reaction is to become defensive. We feel that another person is wrong about something or has wronged us and we want them to see our point of view and know exactly how we feel.  Although this is a natural response, it is not the best response and it takes a lot of self training to deal with conflict well.

I took a course in Conflict Negotiation and Resolution where we learned a lot of ways to identify and deal with conflict. One of the main ideas was the acronym S-TLC.—Stop, Think, Listen, Communication. 

STOP: When conflict arises, before you react, you need to stop. You could do this in many ways. If you can leave the situation, then physically leave. If you can’t leave, take a drink of water or a deep breath and count to 10. Either way, find some way to calm down and give yourself time to think.

THINK: Once you have left the situation you need to analyze it. What is going on? What is the root of the problem? Why are you upset? Why is the other person upset? These questions can help you fully understand what the problem is. During this time you can formulate your stance on the issue while keeping an open mind to the other person’s opinion. This time also allows you to calm down and clear your head.

LISTEN: When you enter back into conversation with this person, do not go in and tell them how you feel. Listen to them first, and actively listen. Make sure you hear what they are saying and you take it all into consideration. This will put them more at ease because they want to be heard and understood, and it gives you a better perspective of what is going on.

COMMUNICATE: When they are done talking, you may now respond in a respectful and non-accusatory manner. Let the other person know you have heard what they have said by acknowledging their feelings on the matter and letting them know you understand. Then tell them your feelings on the matter and proceed with finding a resolution.  

The thing people need to realize about conflict is that it is not a bad thing. It can be very beneficial and help you grow as a person and in a relationship when handled correctly. Using the S-TLC model is one way of handling conflict in a beneficial way.